Confederate States of America



The Confederate States of America were a misunderstood organization that only wanted to protect the states from the evil federal government.

Prelude to Civil War
In 1861, Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas had a debate about whether or not blacks could do anything other than sleep and eat watermelon. Lincoln got his ass handed to him, resulting in a wrestling match where Douglas kicked the shit out of Lincoln. The popular vote in the following election was 500% for Douglas and 0% for Lincoln (records suggest Lincoln voted for Douglas by mistake). Despite the entire nation being in favor of slavery, Lincoln was still elected president and made it illegal for white people to have balls. This resulted in all the badass, god-fearing states of the south to form the Confederate States of America. This resulted in Lincoln declaring war on the south even when the Confederacy expressed peace with the north.

Civil War
The north got rekted, and Sherman's March and Gettysburg never happened. Despite the absolute victory of the south, the north was able to ban slavery outright and made the darkies free. The south respectively assassinated Lincoln and accepted their role as states under the North's power as long as the south was allowed to have age of consent laws under 16.